14 Pip visits Estella and Miss Havisham again 
　  
　　Before taking Magwitch abroad，I felt I must see both Estella and Miss Havisham．When I visited Estella's London home，I found she had gone to stay with Miss Hav－isham，and so，leaving Magwitch in Herbert's care，I went by coach to the town I knew so well． 
　　Before walking to Miss Havisham's，I went to the hotel for breakfast．It was an unpleasant shock to discover Bentley Drummle there，but I could imagine his reason for visiting the area．When he noticed me，he immediately called to the waiter，making sure I could hear，‘Listen，you！The lady isn't going riding today．And remember，I'm not having dinner here tonight，I'll be at the lady's．’And Drummle smiled wickedly at me，knowing that what he said cut me to the heart．He went out，shouting for his horse． 
　　If he had spoken Estella's name，I would have hit him．I was so angry with him，and so depressed about my future，that I could not eat the breakfast．Instead I went straight to the old house． 
　　I found Miss Havisham and Estella sitting in the same room，with candles burning as usual． 
　　‘Miss Havisham，’I said，‘I must tell you that I'm as unhappy as you ever wanted me to be．I've discovered who has been paying for my education．Now I know I shall never be rich，or important．I cannot tell you any more．It isn't my secret，but another person's．’I stopped，considering what to say next． 
　　‘Go on，'said Miss Havisham，looking interested． 
　　‘I thought it was you，Miss Havisham！And you encouraged me in my mistake！’ 
　　‘Why should I be kind to anybody after all I've suffered！’cried Miss Havisham angrily． 
　　‘Yes，you're right，’I said quickly，to calm her．‘But you also encouraged your relations to think I would inherit some of your fortune．’ 
　　‘Why shouldn't I？'she cried wildly． 
　　‘But Matthew Pocket and his son are different．They aren't selfish or greedy，they're generous and honest．I want you to know that．’ 
　　She looked carefully at me．‘What do you want for them？’ 
　　‘I'm asking for money，’I replied，my cheeks red．‘I would like you to help my friend Herbert become a partner in his company．I started paying for this myself two years ago-and I want to keep it a secret from him－but now I find I can't continue the payments．I can't explain why．It's part of the other person's secret． 
　　Miss Havisham looked at the fire，and then at me again． 
　　‘What else？'she asked． 
　　Turning to Estella，I tried to control my trembling voice．‘You know I love you，Estella，’I said．‘I have loved you long and dearly．'she shook her head． 
　　‘I know，I know I have no hope of ever marrying you，Estella．But I have loved you ever since I first saw you in this house．It was cruel of Miss Havisham to encourage me to hope，but I don't think she meant to be unkind．’ 
　　‘What you say，'said Estella very calmly，‘doesn't touch my heart．I can't feel love as you do． And I've warned you of this．Haven't I？’ 
　　‘Yes，’I answered miserably，‘but I couldn't believe it．’ 
　　‘It's the way I've been brought up．’ 
　　‘Estella，Bentley Drummle is in town here．You go riding with him，don't you？Is he having dinner with you tonight？’ 
　　‘It is all true，'she answered，a little surprised． 
　　‘You cannot love him，Estella！’I cried． 
　　‘Didn't you listen？I can never love anyone！’And then she added，‘But why not tell you the truth？ I'm going to marry him．’ 
　　I covered my face with my hands．After a moment I lifted my head and cried，‘Dont't throw yourself away on an animal like him！Even if you won't marry me，there must be others who love you．Any of them would be a thousand times better than Drummle！’ 
　　‘I can't marry a man who expects me to love him．So Drummle will do well enough as my husband．You will soon forget me．’ 
　　‘Never，Estella！You are part of myself．You are in every line I've read，in every view I've seen，in every dream I've dreamt．To the last hour of my life，you will remain part of me． God bless you and God forgive you！’I held her hand to my lips for a moment．As I left，Estella's lovely face looked at me in wonder，but Miss Havisham was staring at me with a mixture of pity and guilt． 
　　It was all over．To calm my feelings I walked all the way back to London．At night the Temple gates were always closed，but the night－porter let me in when I told him my name．He gave me an envelope addressed to Mr Pip．Inside，in Wemmick's writing，it said：‘DON’T GO HOME．’ 
　  
14 匹普再一次拜访艾丝黛拉和郝薇香小姐 
　  
　　把马格韦契带到国外之前，我觉得必需见见艾丝黛拉和郝薇香小姐。当我到了艾丝黛拉的伦敦住处，我发现她已经走了，住在郝薇香小姐那里。因此，我离开马格韦契，赫伯特将关照他，我乘马车去了我了如指掌的镇上。 
　　走到郝薇香小姐家之前，我到餐馆吃早饭，在餐馆，发现了本特利·朱穆尔，真是扫兴。但是，我能想像出他来这个地方的原因。当他发现了我，他立即喊仆人，这很清楚，是说给我听的。“听着，你！小姐今天不骑马了，记住，今天晚上我不在这儿吃晚饭了，我将在小姐家吃。”朱穆尔向我发出恶意的一笑，知道他说这些会伤我的心。他走出餐馆，吼着要他的马。 
　　如果他说出艾丝黛拉的名字，我会揍他的。我对他十分气愤，如此沮丧的未来。我早饭没吃，直接去了那座旧住宅。 
　　我发现郝薇香小姐和艾丝黛拉坐在那间和平常一样点着蜡烛的屋子里。 
　　“郝薇香小姐，”我说，“我必须告诉你，我没有像以前你让我那样高兴，我已经发现了是谁在资助我的学习。我现在明白了，我不会成为富翁或大人物，我不能告诉你更多，那不是我的秘密，而是别人的秘密。”我闭上了嘴，考虑下一步说什么。 
　　“继续说，”郝薇香小姐感兴趣地看着我说。 
　　“我想那是你，郝薇香小姐！你促使我犯了错误！” 
　　“为什么我必须仁慈地对待每个人蒙受伤害！”郝薇香小姐生气地叫喊着。 
　　“是的，你说得很对，”我对她心平气和地接着说，“你也促使了你的亲戚认为我会继承你的财产。” 
　　“我为什么会这样？”她疯了似地叫喊。 
　　“不过，马修·朴凯特和他的儿子不同，他们不是自私自利贪心的，他们是慷慨诚实的，我让您知道这一点。” 
　　她仔细地看着我，“你为他们要什么呢？” 
　　“我要钱，”我回答说，脸红了起来，“我想让你去帮助我的朋友赫伯特在他的公司成为股东。两年前，我开始为这项工作自己投资，我要为此事对他保密——但是，我现在发现我不能继续投资了，我不能解释为什么，那是别人的一部分秘密。” 
　　郝薇香小姐看着火炉，然后又看着我。 
　　“还有什么？”她问道。 
　　我转向艾丝黛拉，极力地控制我震颤的声音，“你知道我爱你，艾丝黛拉，”我说“我已经长时间地深深地爱着你。”她摇了摇头。 
　　“我知道，我知道和你结婚已经化为泡影，艾丝黛拉。但是，自从我在这座房子里见到你，就爱上了你。助长这个希望的是郝薇香小姐的残酷性，不过，我认为她不是恶意的。” 
　　“你说什么”，艾丝黛拉十分平静地说，“不要伤我的心，我感觉不到像你说的爱，这一点，我已经警告过你，对吗？” 
　　“是的，”我悲惨地回答，“可是，我不相信你说的。” 
　　“那就是我成长的路。” 
　　“艾丝黛拉，本特利·朱穆尔在镇上，你和他一起骑马，是吗？他今天晚上和你一起吃晚饭？” 
　　“一点没错，”她带点吃惊的样子回答。 
　　“你不爱他，艾丝黛拉！”我喊着。 
　　“你没听说吗？我从来不爱任何人！”然后，她补充说，“为什么不告诉你真相呢？我打算和他结婚。” 
　　我用双手捂着脸，过了一会儿，我抬起头，说，“你不要自投虎口去喜欢他！即使你不会和我结婚，那也应该找爱你的人，他们当中任何一个都会比朱穆尔好上千万倍！” 
　　“我不能和盼望我去爱他的男人结婚，因此，朱穆尔作为我的丈夫再好不过了，你会很快忘掉我的。” 
　　“永远不会，艾丝黛拉！你是我生命的一部分，你是我读到的每一行，是我看到的每一景，是我梦到的每一梦。到了我生命的最后一刻，你也将留在我心中。上帝保佑你，上帝宽恕你！”我把她的手放在我的嘴唇上呆了一会儿。这时我感到，艾丝黛拉用那可爱的面容惊奇地看着我。但是，郝薇香小姐用那怜悯和内疚交织的眼神瞅着我。 
　　一切都结束了。平静一下心情，我踏上回伦敦的路途。晚上，寺庙的大门总是关闭的。但是，当告诉守夜人我的名字时，他让我进去，他给了我一封写有匹普收的信件。信内是文米克的笔迹，内容是：“万勿回家”。 
　　　    


 