25 Finding Mr Rochester again 
　  
　　Ferndean Manor was a large old house in the middle of a wood． It looked dark and lonely， surrounded by trees．As I approached，the narrow front door opened，and out came a figure I could not fail to recognize， Edward Rochester． I held my breath as I watched，feeling a mixture of happiness and sadness． He looked as strong as before and his hair was still black， but in his face I saw a bitter， desperate look，that I had never seen there before．He walked slowly and hesitatingly along the path．Although he kept looking up eagerly at the sky，it was obvious that he could see nothing．After a while he stopped， and stood quietly there， the rain falling fast on his bent， uncovered head．Finally he found his way painfully back to the house， and closed the door． 
　　When I knocked at the door， Mr Rochester's old servant，John，opened it and recognized me． He and his wife Mary were the only servants their master had wanted to keep when he moved from Thornfield． Although they were surprised to see me，I had no difficulty in arranging to stay at Ferndean that night． 
　　'But he may not want to see you，'warned Mary， as we sat together in the kitchen．'He refuses to see anybody except us．'She was lighting some candles．'He always wants candles in the sitting－room when it's dark， even though he's blind．' 
　　'Give them to me，Mary，'I said．'I'll take them to him．' 
　　The blind man was sitting near the neglected fire in the dark room．'Put down the candles， Mary，'he sighed． 
　　'Here they are， sir，'I said． 
　　'That is Mary， isn't it？'he asked， listening carefully． 
　　'Mary's in the kitchen，'I answered． 
　　'What sweet madness has seized me？'he cried suddenly． 
　　'Where is the speaker？I can't see， but I must feel，or my heart will stop， and my brain will burst！Let me touch you，or I can't live！I held his wandering band with both of mine．'Is it Jane？This is her shape…' He released his hand and seized my arm，shouldter，neck， waist and held me close to him． 
　　'She is here，'I said，'and her heart too．I am Jane Eyre．I've found you and come back to you．' 
　　'My living darling！So you aren't lying dead in a ditch somewhere！Is it a dream？I've dreamed so often of you，only to wake in the morning， abandoned， my life dark，my soul thirsty．' 
　　'I'm alive， and I'm not a dream，In fact，I'm an independent woman now I've inherited five thousand pounds from my uncle．' 
　　'Ah， that sounds real！I couldn't dream that．But perhaps you have friends now， and don't want to spend much time in a lonely house with a blind man like me．' 
　　'I can do what I like，and I intend to stay with you，unless you object．I'll be your neighbour， your nurse， your housekeeper， your companion． You will never be sad or lonely as long as I live．' 
　　He did not reply immediately， and I was a little embarrassed by his silence．I had assumed he would still want me to be his wife， and wondered why he did not ask me． 
　　'Jane， he said sadly，'you cannot always be my nurse．It's kind and generous of you， but you're young， and one day you will want to marry．If I could only see，I'd try to make you love me again， but…'And he sighed deeply． 
　　I was very relieved to discover that was all he was worrying about，because I knew that his blindness made no difference at all to my love for him． However， I thought too much excitement was not good for him， so I talked of other things，and made him laugh a little．As we separated at bedtime，he asked me，'Just one thing， Jane． Were there only ladies in the house where you've been？'I laughed， and escaped upstairs，still laughing．'A good idea！'I thought．'A little jealousy will stop him feeling so sorry for himself！' 
　　Next day I took him outside for a long walk in the fresh air．I described the beauty of the fields and sky to him， as we sat close together in the shade of a tree． 
　　'Tell me， Jane， what happened to you when you so cruelly abandoned me？'he asked， holding me tightly in his arms． 
　　And so I told him my story． Naturally he was interested in St John Rivers，my cousin． 
　　'This St John，do you like him？' 
　　'He's a very good man．I couldn't help liking him．' 
　　'He's perhaps a man of fifty or so？' 
　　'St John is only twenty－nine，sir．' 
　　'Rather stupid，I think you said？Not at all intelligent？' 
　　'He has an excellent brain，sir．' 
　　'Did you say he was rather plain， ugly，in fact？' 
　　'St John is a handsome man，tall and fair， with blue eyes．' 
　　Mr Rochester frowned， and swore loudly． 
　　'In fact， sir，'I continued，'he asked me to marry him．' 
　　'Well，Jane， leave me and go．Oh，until now I with thought you would never love another man！ But go and marry Rivers！' 
　　'I can never marry him，sir He doesn't love me， and I don't love him． He's good and great， but as cold as ice． You needn't be jealous， sir All my heart is yours．' 
　　He kisseed me．'I'm no better than the great tree hit by lightning at Thornfierld，'he said．'I can't expect to have a fresh young plant like you by my side，all my life．' 
　　'You are still strong， sir， and young plants need the strength and safety of a tree to support them．' 'Jane， will you marry me， a poor blind man with one hand，twenty years older than you？' 
　　'Yes， sir．' 
　　'My darling！We'll be married in three days'time，Jane．Thank God！You know I never thought much of religion？Well，lately I've begun to understand that God has been punishing me for my pride and my past wickedness．Last Monday night，in a mood of deep depression，I was sitting by an open window， praying for a little peace and happiness in my dark life．In my heart and soul I wanted you．I cried out “Jane！”three times．' 
　　'Last Monday night，about midnight？'I asked，wondering． 
　　'Yes， but that doesn't matter．This is what's really strange．I heard a voice calling “I'm coming，wait for me！”and“Where are you？”And then I heard an echo sent back by hills， but there's no echo here，in the middle of the wood．Jane， you must have been asleep． Your spirit and mine must have met to comfort each other！ It was your voice I heard！' 
　　I did not tell him I had actually spoken those words many miles away，at that exact moment on that night， because I could hardly understand how it happened myself． 
　　'I thank God！'said Edward Rochester，'and ask Him to help me live a better life in future！'Together we returned slowly to Ferndean Manor， Edward leaning on my shoulder． 
　　We had a quiet wedding．I wrote to tell the Rivers the news．Diana and Mary wrote back with delighted congratulations，but St John did not reply． 
　　Now I have been married for ten years．I know what it is like to love and be loved， No woman has ever been closer to her husband than I am to Edward．I am my husband's life，and he is mine． We are always together，and have never had enough of each other's company． After two years his sight began to return in one eye．Now he can see a little， and when our first child was born and put into his arms， he was able to see that the boy had inherited his fine large black eyes． 
Mrs Fairfax is retired，and Adele has grown into a charming young woman．Diana and Mary are both married，and we visit them once， a year．St John achieved his ambition by going to India as planned，and is still there．He writes to me regularly．He is unmarried and will never marry now．He knows that the end of his life is near， but he has no fear of death，and looks forward to gaining his place in heaven． 
25 重新找到罗切斯特先生 
　  
　　枫丹庄园是一幢建在树林中间的高大的旧房子，看上去灰暗、孤单，周围绿树环绕。当我走近时，狭窄的前门打开了，里面走出的正是我永远都能认出的爱德华·罗切斯特。我屏住呼吸注视着，心中悲喜交加。他看上去还和过去一样强壮，头发依然乌黑，但在他的脸上，我看到的是从未见过的痛苦、绝望的表情。他慢慢地、踌躇地在路上走着。尽管他抬起头来热切地望着天空，但显然他什么也看不见。过了一会儿，他停住脚步，静静地站着，雨水打在他低着的、光光的头上。最后他艰难地找到了回家的路，关上了门。 
　　当我敲门时，罗切斯特先生的老仆人约翰打开门，并认出了我。主人从特恩费得搬来时，他和妻子玛丽是主人唯一想留下的仆人。尽管他们见到我很吃惊，我还是没费什么事就做好了当晚住在枫丹的安排。 
　　我们一起坐在厨房里，玛丽警告说：“他也许不愿见到你。除了我们以外，他拒绝见任何人。”她点上几根蜡烛。“尽管他瞎了，却总希望天黑时在客厅里点上蜡烛。” 
　　“把蜡烛给我，玛丽。”我说。“我给他拿去。” 
　　这个双目失明的人坐在黑屋子里无人照管的炉火边。“把蜡烛放下，玛丽。”他叹了口气。 
　　“先生，它们在这里。”我说。 
　　“你是玛丽，对吗？”他说，并仔细听着。 
　　“玛丽在厨房里。”我答道。 
　　“是什么甜蜜的疯狂攫住了我？”他突然喊道。“说话的人在哪儿？我看不到，但我必须感觉到，否则我的心就会停止跳动，我的脑子就会迸裂！让我摸摸你，否则我会活不下去！”我双手握住他摸索着的手。“是简吗？这是她的样子……”他腾出手来，抓住我的胳膊、肩膀、脖子、腰肢，把我紧紧抱住。 
　　“她在这里。”我说。“她的心也在这里，我是简·爱。我找到你了，回到你身边来了。” 
　　“我的宝贝还活着！那么你没有死在某处的阴沟里！这是不是梦？我常常梦见你，早上醒来却已被抛弃，只剩下黑暗的生活和饥渴的灵魂。” 
　　“我活着，我不是梦。实际上我现在是个独立的女人了，我从舅舅那儿继承了5 000英镑。” 
　　“啊，这听起来倒是真的！我不会梦到这个。但是也许你现在有了朋友，不再想到这幢孤零零的房子里，花许多时间陪伴一个像我这样的瞎子了。” 
　　“我想做什么，就能做什么。我想和你一起住，除非你反对。我要成为你的邻居，你的护士，你的管家，你的伴侣。只要我活着，你就永远不会悲伤或孤独。” 
　　他没有立刻回答，他的沉默使我感到有些尴尬。我本以为他仍然希望我成为他的妻子，却纳闷他为什么不向我提出来。 
　　“简，”他悲哀地说。“你不能永远做我的护士。你很慷慨善良，但你还年轻，总有一天你会想结婚。如果我能够看得见，我会努力让你再爱上我，但是……”他深深地叹了口气。 
　　原来他担心的就是这些，我感到轻松了许多，因为他失明丝毫没有影响到我对他的爱。但是，我觉得过于激动对他没好处，于是就开始扯些别的话题，逗他笑一点儿。我们分手去就寝时，他问我：“简，就一件事。你住的家里只有女士吗？”我笑了，逃上楼去，仍止不住笑。“好主意。”我想。“小小的嫉妒会让他减少对自己的伤心。” 
　　第二天，我带他到户外散步，呼吸些新鲜空气。当我们紧挨着坐在树阴下时，我向他描述着田野和天空的美丽。 
　　“简，告诉我。你狠心抛下我后，又发生了什么事？”他紧紧搂着我问。 
　　于是我向他讲述了我的经历。他自然对我的表兄圣约翰很感兴趣。 
　　“这个圣约翰，你喜欢他吗？” 
　　“他是个很好的人，我不能不喜欢他。” 
　　“他也许五十多岁？” 
　　“不，先生，圣约翰只有29岁。” 
　　“我想你说过他很傻？一点儿也不聪明？” 
　　“先生，他有着出色的头脑。” 
　　“你是不是说过他实际上很平凡、很丑？” 
　　“圣约翰是个美男子，个子高高的，金发碧眼。” 
　　罗切斯特先生皱起眉头，大声诅咒着。 
　　“先生，”我接着说，“实际上他要我嫁给他。” 
　　“好了，简，离开我走吧！啊，直到此刻我一直以为你不会再爱上别人！但是走吧，去和李维斯结婚！” 
　　“先生，我永远不能和他结婚。他不爱我，我也不爱他。他很好、很伟大，但却冷若冰霜。你不必嫉妒，我整个的心都是你的。” 
　　他吻吻我。“我跟特恩费得被雷击倒的大树没什么两样。”他说，“我不能指望像你这样一棵稚嫩的小树一辈子陪伴在我身边。” 
　　“先生，你仍然强壮。小树需要大树的力量和庇护来支撑自己。” 
　　“简，你愿嫁给我，一个比你年长20岁、只有一只手的、可怜的盲人吗？” 
　　“是的，先生。” 
　　“我亲爱的！简，我们三天内就结婚。感谢上帝！你知道我从来不那么看重宗教吧？不过最近我认为上帝在为我的傲慢和邪恶的过去惩罚我。上星期一晚上，我情绪很坏，坐在敞开的窗边，祈求我黑暗的生活中出现一点儿安宁和幸福。在我的内心和灵魂深处，我想得到你。我喊了三声'简！'” 
　　“上星期一晚上，大约午夜时？”我奇怪地问。 
　　“是的，不过这还无关紧要。真正奇怪的是这个：我听到一个声音回答着：'我来了，等等我！'还说：'你在哪儿？'然后我听到山丘传来的回声，可我们这里没有山丘，是在树林当中。简，你当时一定睡了。你我的魂灵一定见了面，互相安慰！我听到的正是你的声音。” 
　　我自己也搞不清这一切是如何发生的，便没有告诉他就在那天夜里的那个时刻，我在很远的地方说出的正是他听到的话。 
　　“我感谢上帝！”爱德华·罗切斯特说，“我请求他帮助我在未来过上更好的生活。”爱德华扶着我的肩膀，我们一起慢慢回到枫丹庄园。 
　　我们举行了简单的婚礼。我写信告诉了李维斯一家，戴安娜和玛丽回信热情祝贺我们，但圣约翰没有回复。 
　　现在我已结婚十年。我懂得什么是爱和被爱。没有任何女人与丈夫，能像我和爱德华那样亲密。我是我丈夫的生命，而他也是我的。我们总是在一起，享受不够彼此的陪伴。两年后，他的一只眼睛开始恢复视力。现在他已经能看到一点儿。我们的第一个孩子出世、放到他怀里时，他可以看出孩子继承了他那双又大又黑的漂亮眼睛。 
　　费尔法斯太太退休了，阿黛拉已出落成一个迷人的姑娘。戴安娜和玛丽都结了婚，我们每年都去看她们一次。圣约翰实现了他的远大志向，如期去了印度，至今还在那里。他经常给我写信，没有结婚，也不打算结婚了。他知道自己的生命就要完结，但是他对死亡毫不惧怕，盼着在天堂中获得他的一席之地。 
　　　    


 