15 The future Mrs Rochester 
　  
　　And so I set out on the long journey back to Thornfield．Mrs Fairfax had written to me while I was at Gateshead，telling me that the guests had all gone，and Mr Rochester had gone to London to buy a carriage for his wedding．It was clear that he would be getting married very soon． 
　　After a long day sitting in the coach，I decided to get out at Millcote，leave my luggage at the hotel， and walk across the fields to Thornfield．It was a warm June evening，and I felt glad to be going home．I had to remind myself sternly that Thornfield was not my permanent home，and that the person I was so looking forward to seeing was perhaps not even thinking of me． 
　　And then I saw him！He was sitting on the gate ahead of me，writing in a notebook He noticed me at once． 'Hallo！'he cried．I was trembling at the unexpected sight of him，and could not control my voice，so I approached in silence． 
　　'So it's Jane Eyre！'he continued．'Why didn't you send for a carriage？It's just like you to come on foot from Millcote Now，what have you been doing for a whole month？' 
　　'I've been looking after my aunt，sir，who's just died．' 
　　'You come from another world，Jane，from the world of the dead．I think you must be a spirit．And absent for a whole month！I'm sure you've quite forgotten me．' 
　　Even though I knew I would soon lose him，he had such power to make me happy that I was in heaven listening to him． 
　　'Did Mrs Fairfax tell you I've been to London？'he asked． 
　　'Oh yes，sir，she did．' 
　　'And I expect she told you why I went there？Well，you must see the carriage I've bought，Jane．It will suit Mrs Rochester perfectly．I only wish I were more handsome， as she's so beautiful．Can't you put one of your spells on me，to make me more attractive for her？' 
　　'That's beyond the power of magic，sir，'I replied，while thinking，'To someone who loves you，you are handsome enough．' 
　　Mr Rochester was sometimes able to read my thoughts， but this time he just smiled warmly at me，and opened the gate． 
　　'Pass，friend，'he said，'and welcome home！' 
　　I could have just walked past him in silence，but something made me turn and say quickly，before I could stop myself，'Thank you，Mr Rochester，for your great kindness．'I'm glad to come back to you，and wherever you are is my home—my only home．'I ran across the field and into the house before he had time to answer． 
　　Two weeks passed after my return， with no news of the wedding．There were no preparations at Thornfield，and no visits to the Ingram family，who lived only a few miles away．I almost began to hope． 
　　It was the middle of summer，and every day the sun shone on the green fields，the white，baked roads，and the cool，dark woods．One evening， after Adele had gone to sleep，I went into the garden．I discovered a quiet place where I thought nobody would find me，but then I noticed Mr Rochester had come into the garden too．Hoping to escape back to the house，I crept quietly behind him while he was bending over to admire an insect，but— 
　　'Jane，'he said suddenly，'come and look at this beautiful insect．Oh，now he's flown away．No，don't go back to the house，Jane，on such a lovely night．Come and walk with me．'I could not find a reason for leaving him， so I accompanied him in silence． 
　　'Jane，'he began，'you like Thornfield，don't you？And you even like little Adele，and old Mrs Fairfax，don't you？' 
　　'I do，sir，I really don't want to leave them．' 
　　'What a pity！'he sighed．'That's what happens in life．No sooner have you got used to a place than you have to move on．' 
　　'Do I have to move on，sir？Leave Thornfield？' 
　　'I'm afraid you must， Jane．' 
　　'Then you are going to be married，sir？' 
　　'Exactly，Jane．And as you have pointed out，when I take the lovely Miss Ingram as my bride，you and Adele must leave the house，so I'm looking for a new job for you．' 
　　'I'm sorry to cause you trouble，'I said miserably． 
　　'No trouble at all！In fact I've already heard of a very good job which would be just right for you，teaching the five daughters of an Irish family．You'll like Ireland，I think．They're such friendly people，'he said cheerfully． 
　　'It's such a long way away， sir！'I was fighting to keep my tears back．There was an icy coldness in my heart． 
　　'Away from what，Jane？' 
　　'From England and from Thornfield and—' 
　　'Well？' 
　　'From you，sir！'I could not stop myself，and burst into tears immediately． 
　　'It certainly is very far away，'he said calmly．'Let's sit on this bench，Jane，like old friends saying goodbye．You know，I sometimes feel as if you and I were connected by a string tying our two hearts together，and if you went to Ireland，I think that string might break and I might bleed to death．' 'I wish…I wish I'd never been born！'I cried．'I wish I'd never come to Thornfield！'No longer able to control my feelings，I poured out what was in my heart．'I can't bear to leave！Because here I've been treated kindly．And because I've met you，Mr Rochester，and I can't bear never to see you again．Now I have to leave，I feel as if I'm dying！' 
　　'Why do you have to leave？'he asked innocently． 
　　'Why？'I repeated，amazed．'Because you're marrying Miss Ingram—she's your bride！' 
　　'My bride！I have no bride！'he answered．'But I will have one，and you must stay！' 
　　'I can't stay！'I cried furiously．'Do you think I can watch another woman become your bride？Do you think I'm a machine，without feelings？Do you think，because I'm small and poor and plain，that I have no soul and no heart？Well，you're wrong！I have as much soul and heart as you．It is my spirit that speaks to your spirit！We are equal in the sight of God！' 
　　'We are！'repeated Mr Rochester， taking me in his arms and kissing me．'Don't struggle，Jane，like a wild restless bird！' 
　　'Let me go，Mr Rochester．I am no bird，but a free human being．'And I managed to break away． 
　　'Yes，Jane，you are free to decide．I ask you to walk through life with me，to be my constant companion．' 
　　'You're laughing at me．You've already chosen your companion for life．'I was crying quietly，while Mr Rochester looked gently and seriously at me． 
　　'Jane，'he said，'I ask you to be my wife．You are my equal，Jane．Will you marry me？Don't you believe me？' 
　　'Not at all，'I answered． 
　　'I'll convince you！Listen，I don't love Miss Ingram and she doesn't love me．She only liked me for my wealth，and when I，disguised as the gipsy woman，told her that I had only a little money，she and her mother lost interest in me．You strange magical spirit，I love you！You，small and poor and plain，I ask you to marry me！' 
　　'You want to marry me？'I cried，almost beginning to believe him．'But I have no friends，no money，no family！' 
　　'I don't care，Jane！Say yes，quickly！It's cruel to make me suffer like this！Give me my name，say，“Edward，I'll marry you！”'he cried，his face very pale in the moonlight． 
　　'Are you serious？Do you really love me？ Do you honestly want me to be your wife？'I asked． 
　　'I swear it．' 
　　'Then，Edward，I will marry you．' 
　　'My little wife！'He held me in his arms for a long time，kissing me gently．Once he murmured，'No family！That's good．No family to interfere！'and then，'I don't care what people think！'and again and again，'Are you happy，Jane？'I thought of nothing except the great happiness of being with him for ever． 
　　But while we were talking the weather had changed．A strong wind was now blowing and there was a loud crack of thunder．Suddenly rain poured down，and although we hurried back to the house，we were quite wet when we arrived in the hall．We did not notice Mrs Fairfax standing in the shadows． 
　　'Good night，my darling，'he said，kissing me repeatedly．As I ran upstairs，I caught sight of the old lady's shocked face． 
　　'Tomorrow I'll explain to her，'I thought．Just then I was too happy to think about anything except our bright future． 
　　Outside，the storm continued furiously all night，and in the morning we discovered that the great tree at the bottom of the garden，which had stood for hundreds of years，had been hit by lightning and torn in half．  
　 
15未来的罗切斯特太太 
　  
　　于是我踏上了返回特恩费得的漫长旅途。我在盖茨赫德时，费尔法斯太太曾写信给我，告诉我客人们都走了，罗切斯特先生也去了伦敦，为他的婚礼购置马车。他显然是很快就要结婚了。 
　　我在马车里坐了整整一天，于是决定在米尔考特下车，将行李留在旅馆里，步行走过田野，回到特恩费得。6月的夜晚温暖宜人，想到要回家了，我感到非常高兴。我不得不时时严肃地警告自己特恩费得不是我永久的家，我热切希望见到的那个人可能根本想都不想我。 
　　后来我看到了他！他就坐在我前头的大门口，正往笔记本里写着什么。他一下子就看见了我。 
　　“你好啊！”他喊道。意外地见到他让我浑身发抖，无法控制自己的声音，于是我静静地走了过去。 
　　“那么是简·爱了！”他接着说，“你为什么没叫马车去？走着从米尔考特回来，这正像你。好了，你整整一个月都干什么了？” 
　　“先生，我一直照顾舅妈，她刚去世。” 
　　“简，你来自另一个世界，一个死人的世界，我想你肯定是个幽灵。离开整整一个月！我肯定你已经把我忘了。” 
　　尽管我知道我很快就会失去他，但他使我感到幸福的力量是那么强大，听到他的声音我就像进了天堂。 
　　“费尔法斯太太告诉过你我去伦敦了吗？”他问。 
　　“噢，是的，先生，她告诉我了。” 
　　“我想她也跟你说了我为什么去？好了，你必须看看我买的新马车，它完全配得上罗切斯特太太。我只希望自己长得好看些，因为她是那么美。你不能给我念个咒语，让我对她更有吸引力吗？” 
　　“先生，这是魔力无能为力的。”我一边回答一边想：“对于爱你的人来说，你已经够英俊的了。” 
　　罗切斯特先生有时可以看透我的心思，但这次他只是对我热切地微笑，并打开了大门。 
　　“请进，朋友，”他说，“欢迎回家！” 
　　我本可以静静地从他面前走过，可不知什么让我转过身来，没等我止住自己，话已说出了口：“罗切斯特先生，谢谢你的盛情。我很高兴回到你这里，你在哪儿，哪儿就是我的家，我唯一的家。”我不等他答话就跑过院子进了房间。 
　　我回来后已经两星期了，却没有婚礼的消息。特恩费得没做任何准备，没人去看望仅几英里之遥的英格姆一家。我几乎在盼着婚礼了。 
　　时值仲夏，每天骄阳都照耀着绿色的田野，白的、烤硬的路面和凉爽的深绿色树林。一天晚上阿黛拉入睡后，我走进花园。我找了个自认为谁也找不到我的僻静处，可是这时我看到罗切斯特先生也来到花园。我希望能溜回屋去，于是从他背后蹑手蹑脚地走着。他正弯下身去观赏一只小虫子。可是—— 
　　他突然说：“简，过来看看这只美丽的小虫子。噢，它现在飞了。别走，简，这么美好的夜晚，别回屋里去，过来跟我走走。”我找不到离开他的藉口，便默默地陪着他。 
　　“简，”他开始说道，“你喜欢特恩费得，是不是？你甚至喜欢小阿黛拉和费尔法斯老太太，对吗？” 
　　“是的，先生。我真不愿离开她们。” 
　　“真可惜！”他叹息道。“生活就是这样。你刚刚适应一个地方，就得搬走了。” 
　　“先生，我必须搬走吗？离开特恩费得吗？” 
　　“简，恐怕你必须这样。” 
　　“那么你要结婚了，先生？” 
　　“简，正是这样。正像你所说的，当我娶可爱的英格姆小姐为妻时，你和阿黛拉必须离开我家，所以我正在给你找新工作。” 
　　“对不起，麻烦你了。”我痛苦地说。 
　　“一点儿不麻烦。实际上我已经听说有份很不错的工作，正适合你，到一户爱尔兰人家教五个女孩。我想你会喜欢爱尔兰的，那儿的人非常友好的。”他快活地说道。 
　　“先生，这太远了！”我努力抑制住自己的泪水，心里感到冰一样冷。 
　　“简，离什么太远了？” 
　　“离英格兰，离特恩费得，还有离——” 
　　“嗯？” 
　　“离你，先生。”我无法克制自己，眼泪一下子涌了出来。 
　　“的确非常遥远。”他平静地说，“简，我们一块坐坐，就像老朋友道别一样。你知道，我有时感到我们两个是连在一起的，一根线系着我们的两颗心。如果你去爱尔兰，那根线可能会绷断，我会流血死去的。” 
　　“我希望……我希望我根本没来到人世！”我叫道，“我希望我永远没来过特恩费得！”我再也无法控制自己的感情，一下子倾诉出我的心声。“离开这里我无法忍受！因为在这里我得到善待，因为我遇到了你，罗切斯特先生，我不能忍受再也见不到你。现在我必须离开，我觉得我要死了！” 
　　“你为什么要走呢？”他茫然地问。 
　　“为什么？”我吃惊地重复着。“因为你要娶英格姆小姐——她是你的新娘！” 
　　“我的新娘！我没有新娘！”他答道。“不过我会有的，而你必须留下！” 
　　“我不能留下，”我恼怒地说，“你认为我能看着别的女人成为你的新娘吗？你认为我是机器没有感情吗？你以为我弱小、贫穷、平凡就没有灵魂、没有心吗？那么，你错了！我和你一样有血有肉。我的灵魂在对你的灵魂讲话！我们在上帝眼里是平等的！” 
　　“我们是！”罗切斯特重复着，把我揽在怀里，吻着我。“简，别像只不安的小野鸟一样挣扎！” 
　　“罗切斯特先生，让我走。我不是鸟，而是个自由人。”我努力挣脱了出来。 
　　“是的，简，你可以自由决定。我请求你在生活中与我同行，做我永远的伴侣。” 
　　“你在取笑我，你已经选择了自己的生命伴侣。”我无声地哭着，罗切斯特先生温柔而严肃地看着我。 
　　“简，”他说，“我请求你做我的妻子。简，我们是一样的。你嫁给我吗？你不相信我吗？” 
　　“一点儿也不相信。”我回答。 
　　“我会说服你的。听着，我不爱英格姆小姐，她也不爱我。她为我的财才爱我，而当我装扮成吉普赛女人告诉她我只有一点钱时，她和她母亲都对我失去了兴趣。你这奇怪的带着魔力的小精灵，我爱你！你，弱小、贫穷、平凡，我请求你嫁给我！” 
　　“你想娶我？”我叫道，几乎有点儿相信他了。“可是我没有朋友，没有钱，没有亲人！” 
　　“简，我不在乎。快答应！让我这么痛苦，真是太残酷了！讲我的名字，说：'爱德华，我嫁给你！'”他喊着，脸色在月光下那么苍白。 
　　“你是认真的？你真的爱我？你真的希望我成为你的妻子？”我问。 
　　“我发誓！” 
　　“那么，爱德华，我嫁给你。” 
　　“我的小妻子！”他久久地搂着我，温柔地吻着我。他一时低语着：“没有亲人，这很好。没有家庭的干涉。”一时又说：“我才不管别人怎么想呢！”他重复了一遍又一遍：“简，你幸福吗？”我心里没有别的，只想着能和他永远在一起是多么幸福。 
　　我们说话时，天突然变了。大风骤起，并响了一声炸雷。忽然大雨倾盆而下，尽管我们赶紧跑进屋去，到大厅时还是湿透了。我们没注意到费尔法斯太太站在暗处。 
　　“亲爱的，晚安！”他说，不停地吻着我。我跑上楼时，看到了老太太脸上吃惊的表情。 
　　“明天我再向她解释。”我心想。这时我大高兴了，除了我们的美好未来，再无暇顾及别的。 
　　外面雷雨一夜未停。早晨，我们发现花园深处一棵已挺立几百年的大树被雷击中，劈成了两半。 
　　　    


 